Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
