I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize