thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
