i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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