You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
