At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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