he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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