Jerry, you need to find god
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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