You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
