is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
