does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
