My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
