i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize