i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
