i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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