so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
