Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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