It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
