while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
