Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize