How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
