living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
