dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
