sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
