I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize