Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
