im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
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