I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
