there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
