8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
