So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
