no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
