I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
