I wish my penis had an off switch
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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