just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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