just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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