2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
