Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize