So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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