There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
