Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
