Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize