Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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