I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
