Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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