Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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