did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
