I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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