Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
