I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
