Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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