So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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