I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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