Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
