My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
