She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
