did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
