I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
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