Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
