I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize