Apparently you make a good broom.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
