Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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