How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i think i have two assholes
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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