I don't remember. Are we still dating?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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