is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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