Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
