No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
