Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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