I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize